The vast majority of us have had to do this God forsaken task when applying for a job. We stare at the job description, we stare at our CV’s and then we sigh as we ponder on what bullshit we can condense into half a page, that will make us stand out from the other hopeful (and often desperate) applicants.

‘Your cover letter allows us to get to know you a little better and tells us why you would be suited for the job’  


Dear XXX

 I have a host of skills that demonstrate my many multiple talents. Amongst being a hard worker, multi tasker and a modern day Jesus I am also able to hold a pencil in between my breasts for up to 2 whole hours.



I mean lets be honest, we all profess the same skills that the cover letter before us probably said they had. ‘Hardworking…honest…personable…determined…driven…intuitive…I think outside the box…’

It’s relentless and yet we all do it or equally have to do it. I mean how can someone decipher between uncannily similar cover letters that one should get the interview over the other one. Perhaps it’s a game of rock, paper, scissors that will determine whether the company will choose to interview George over Harry. I appreciate the importance to stand out against the rest, I really do, but having said that how much can you truly stand out from someone if you all have the same qualities and credentials on paper. Can someone really determine or know you by half a page? I beg to differ. I mean I don’t think there is any real art to it- essentially its more times than not pot luck, given that you can string a sentence together and can get someone to proof read your grammar.

Dear XXX

 I have a tinder date on Friday. She is a 4. Hire me so I can afford to take out a couple of 7’s



We are all at one point or another treading water to stay afloat as opposed to serenely floating. We try our hardest to ensure we stay treading water, instead of sinking like dead weights to the bottom. The harder and longer you tread water the more disheartening it can be. Where’s the fucking boat?

 Well never fear because the boat will be on the way somewhere. It might have broken down twice or stopped for fuel but it is most certainly coming. There is a company that will want you and you’ll be so much more grateful (not to mention poor) when they finally do give you the green light. Writing a cover letter is an absolute bitch to do but its something we all have to surrender to.