For a fair few of you the, turning point for your Dry Jan will have been the weekend just gone. You may just have been able to soldier your way through Friday, tucking yourself away at home, sipping on your herbal tea as you tune into a new TV series. You will have admirably messaged your friends that

No, sorry I’m doing Dry Jan! Have fun with your hangover tomorrow- I am sticking with this!

This will be followed up with an uprising of messages as they try to sway you otherwise. You will be told the following

  • That just about everyone is going (bar you of course)
  • You are boring
  • You will crack later this month anyway you may as well just give in now
  • You are (once again) boring

 

However, you are stronger than this. You will be not be tempted or swayed. You are staying in, you don’t need alcohol and you have become rather portly after Christmas anyway. You are only helping yourself after all.

 

From the hours of 7-9pm you are even quite smug. You’re in your bed, it’s raining and you are going to feel wonderful in the morning. By about 9.10 you start to get restless. The house is dead because your housemates aren’t being nearly as depressing as you are and are currently sat in a pub or a bar having a merry old time. Slowly but surely the Snapchat stories start to begin as you are reminded that you really are the only person in London currently in bed, drinking a hot chocolate on a Friday night. By being cruel to yourself, you decide to start making your way through the snap chat stories

 

  • Boozy Dinners are in full swing
  • Drinking Games have commenced
  • Cue lots of CHEERS
  • Cue lots of LAUGHING
  • Cue lots of PEOPLE HAVING FUN

 

For one mad moment you think of Snapchatting your own Friday night;

a picture of you tucked up in bed, with a shot of your laptop screen as you head into the third episode of West World. You think what you would write

 

Dry Jan Night’s in- wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here- #winning

Then you realize how absolutely lame that would be, as well as the fact that you are clearly not winning and that it should really say #lying and would rather be anywhere but here. Stay strong. You will not regret this by the morning. Stay true to yourself.

You awaken on Saturday feeling refreshed. The smugness has returned in force. You even consider going for a run but decide against it (you don’t want to go too all out after all). You think of all the things you are going to do today and spend the first couple hours of your morning doing ‘Life Admin’. By lunchtime you are bored. Time to start calling people. However people are in no state for doing things until at least 3pm. They regale groggily stories from ‘one of the best Friday nights ever’ and the smugness starts to leave you.

 

Can I seriously do this for another 3 weeks? 3 MORE weeks of THIS?!

 

You decide then and there that Dry January is officially over. It had its run, of 6 glorious alcohol- free days, but it is just far too dull for you to cope with. You call up the team and announce to them the good news, they whoop for delight as though you have just told them the formula for ‘world peace’. You even head over early armed with four bottles of red- it’s time to make up for lost time…

Come Sunday morning you curse yourself for having caved. There was in fact good reason behind the method of Dry Jan. You forgot that alcohol can make you feel this bad the morning after. You forgot that you make some very questionable choices under the influence of booze. You forgot a lot of things about the night before entirely for that matter.

 

Forget Dry January, you declare, I am never drinking again!

 

C.Moncrieff