For those that don’t know what ‘ghosting’ is let us enlighten you from the description the urban dictionary gives us.

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Going for interviews is almost like dating someone new for the first time and on this particular topic, we think ghosting can be interchangable. On getting said interview, you’re rather chuffed: ‘theywant-me’. Then leading up to the first interview you have to make the natural preparations. One of those is being suitably dressed and looking like you’ve made the effort, whilst at the same time not going overboard- you don’t want to scare them off. With your game face ready and your questions practised, it is time to allow the courting to begin. You head to theirs (erm forward) and you allow the first interview to commence. Everyone is on their best behaviour.

 

  • Tell us about yourself.
  • Let us tell you about ourselves.
  • We’ve got some questions to ask you.
  • Have you got any to ask us?
  • Why do you think we should choose you over someone else?

 

In a nutshell that is interview one. On leaving you weigh up how it went in your head. They seemed to be making all the right signals, they seemed to like me…but I can’t be sure. I guess I’ll just have to wait to get an email or a phone call from our go-between (aka the recruiter). A few days pass, you start to get a bit nervous ‘will they, won’t they?’…until they give you the green light!

With interview two, as you would in date number two, there is an air of confidence that you didn’t have walking into interview one. There is a familiarity between yourself and the staff in the building that wasn’t there before. You ask how the interviewer’s weekend in France was, because they happened to mention their weekend plans the last time you were there. They are pleasantly surprised that you remembered and they are lapping it up- yup, you’re in there! But let’s not get too comfortable, as you would with date two, you’ve almost got to bring a sharper game. Have new questions to ask, have new offerings to give- show off your personality a bit more. The interview finishes. You exhale as you leave the building and start to second guess how you came across. Was I too pally? Did I answer their questions as well as I did the first time? Was the first time better? You’re full of self-doubt. However, you weigh it up as the day continues. Actually, he/she did say you were very like (insert name of said company). You don’t say that to someone who won’t be getting the job. Have faith you think. They will call, they said they’d be in touch latest, that Friday.

 

A week passes. You’ve heard nada. You consult friends and family who tell you enough time has passed for you to send the follow up email.

Dear XXX

It was great to meet with you again last week. I just wanted to drop a message to enquire…….

And so on.

Still nothing. You start to panic slightly as you run over and over again where it may have gone wrong. Your friends reason that no news isn’t bad news. After ten days, you make the call directly and ask to speak to whoever the head honcho was in charge of your interview. Reception ask who is speaking. You dutifully tell them who it is and they put you on hold before telling you, head honcho is in a meeting. Head Honcho proceeds to be in a meeting all day long and for the next day also. You grow suspicious. Am I being given the slip? Is it possible to be ghosted by the company I am actually interviewing with? After nothing for a further week you’re filled with both anger and distain, that you wasted your time and energy into preparing for a company that didn’t have the common curtesy to let you tell you ‘Thank you but no thank you’.

 

It’s infuriating, I’ll give you that and above all its rude. If it happens to you, let me tell you now it’s not a reflection of yourself, but a poor reflection of themselves. It really is unacceptable no matter how many candidates they have on the go interviewing for the same role you’ve applied for. You don’t want to work for an employer that doesn’t have the decency to kindly tell another human being that it’s a ‘no from us I’m afraid’. You’ll find another employer, one that actually gets in contact when they say will and you’ll probably find that your working life is a far happier one as a result.

 

 

Twenty Mile Club