Moments of self-doubt? Self -reflection? Self-wander?

 

Ah the perils of being a twenty-something.

 

Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Am I doing it right?… Is this it?

 

This could just as easily be the perils of your sex life, but once again it sidles quite nicely into the category of ‘what-am-I-actually-doing-with-my-life?’ For the love of God help!

 

I am looking at all these people, the ones I commute with in the morning and in the evening and I wonder whether they think they’ve got it cracked. Whatever it is. I feel like there was a lesson equipped with the Who’s, What’s, Where’s of ‘cracking it’ that I had the misfortune of missing. Instead I was lumbered with the Why’s. The forefront of which is ‘Why do I not know what I am doing?’ This is swiftly followed by

 

-Why am I not on a 50k salary?

-Why doesn’t everyone want to hire me?

-Why am I so poor?

-Why don’t I own a Bentley?

 

So on pondering, painfully the ‘Why’s’ of my life I then start to turn my attentions from myself to others. But just how do they know what they’re doing? How did that happen? How are they doing this thing called adulating so much better than me? And finally: How have they always got their shit together?

 

Fake it till you make it, seems to be the standard procedure as you waffle your way through conversations about the economy, job satisfaction and where you hope to be in 5 years. I find myself having conversations with people where we are both pretending, it’s just a case of who can pretend better and the Oscar most certainly isn’t going to me.

 

I find myself dressing up my job as a freelancer and suddenly writing content for that dump in Slough becomes travel writing for chateaus around France.

 

Yup, I think, as long as it sounds like I know what I’m doing then its fine. That perception that everyone is telling everyone that everything is marvelous to prove that they aren’t, in a sense ‘failing at life’. Which asks the question, what constitutes as failing? I would say at current it would be the thing in which many people think defines us the most; our jobs. On getting ‘the job’ prepare for the who’s, what’s and the where’s. You might have one but to someone else it matters just what.

 

Your job does not define you, that is one thing I know for certain. My old job working in luxury PR, I utterly loathed. To others the industry sounded glamorous and in a sense constituted that I was therefore ‘nailing life’. Contrary to that I wasn’t- I dreaded waking up in the morning and the job did the opposite of defining me. I resigned and despite not having a plan B, it was the best thing I could have done for my own sense of self worth.

 

Don’t beat yourself about not having it all cracked, because sometimes it takes going through the absolute shitter in order to realize just what it is that you do and don’t want from your life. If you were staring into your corn flakes this morning and wondering ‘what am I actually doing with my life’ you can bet there were a solid 100,000 other twenty something’s thinking the exact same thing.

 

It’s not the end of the world and you’re not ‘failing at life’- this feeling of not knowing is only temporary, it will pass and you will ‘work it out’. And just think it could be worse

 

Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Am I doing it right?… Is this it?

 

Could be about your sex life rather than your professional life. And lets be honest, we know which one is easier to change!