People Who Stop at the Top or Bottom of Escalators

The function of an escalator is to transport your self from point A to point B because we can’t be bothered to walk there. Once you get to said destination, the point is to then get off and to continue walking so you can allow the flow of traffic behind you to also continue moving. The point is not to STOP, whilst you look for your oyster card, or check your phone for Google maps or to just ponder life.

There are some seriously socially inept people out there who forget that they inhibit this world with the rest of us. They may not like it but the truth of the matter is they have to lump it. So to stop at the top or bottom of an escalator makes me question who these people are. The blockage that pursues as a result of the absolute pillock at the bottom is too much to bare. The chain reaction of irate people trying to get off the escalator is instant and the amount of hate that is then lasered into the back of the person at the bottoms head is monumental. These people feature on a list for people I loathe. There are an array of people that are stock piled on that list. The top 5 are as follows:

1>Escalators Stoppers:

 Already Justified


2>Youths who play music on trains:

 Youths on trains are totally fine. Youths on trains with iPhones are not so fine. Especially when they take it upon themselves to play music to the entire carriage. Despite the age demographic of the rest of the carriage being anything from 3 to 93, the youth in question feels it is their duty to be the carriage DJ. Volume pumped up as far as it can possibly go, just to ensure his adoring fans front and back of the carriage are sure to not miss his or her mind numbing set.


 3> Slow Walkers:

Especially when in a hurry. These people have almost lost the will to move and they seem to walk collectively with other slow walkers, making it that much more painful for you to navigate yourself around them. No matter how much you try to slide your way between them you are enveloped amongst this sudden sea of corpses.


4> People who cough in small public places without covering their mouth

You’re in a small space with lots of people. This tends to be a crammed tube, lift or some other method of transportation that leaves you confined to a small space, in which you have to be dangerously close to other people. From a young age we were told to cover our mouths when we cough, it is pure social etiquette and a method to prevent the spreading of germs. Therefore the mind boggles when there are 40 of you sardined onto a tube and someone decides to openly cough (hand NOT over mouth) across you all. You look on in disgust as you wonder what deadly disease is now lingering in the air- willing yourself not to breath until the next stop.


5> Screaming Children

 I appreciate that it can be very trying to control a small child who has been dragged around the shops all day and is having a complete sense of humour failure. The child takes their cue to use their full lung capacity to ensure that you as the mother or father know that they have had enough and its time for home. You are perhaps immune to your own child’s screams, but unfortunately for the rest of us we are not so lucky. We are not hearing the sweet, dulcet tones that you are hearing. Please take your child and leave the premises or for the love of God just take them home.


So those of you who are guilty of stopping at the top or bottom of escalators I really urge you to just keep walking. Don’t let the rest of us have to suffer in seething silence as a result of your human error. Happy Monday everyone.



Twenty Mile Club
















Photo Credit by sabin paul croce